Sunday, July 14, 2013

Emmy's human has odd bathing preferences

There's obviously little Miss Emmy can do about this . . . she has tried on numerous occasions (in fact, numerous times DAILY) to demonstrate the beauty of the tongue-bath.  Is there nothing more elegant than a long extension of one's hind leg as you tongue-stroke, stroke, stroke upwards to your toes?

Correct.  You understand what I mean.

Yet, this human continues to splash about in a big watering dish, making use of that liquid which is only useful for lapping delicately from a bowl (preferably cut crystal), and only on rare occasions IMHO.

Now she comes home with these photos, extolling the WONDER of this contraption.

This monstrosity sits on a deck hanging off the edge of a steep cliff and is open on three sides.

Now.  Really.  Miss Emmy is really all for Bathing With an Audience.  She does so DAILY.

But this location offers scant opportunity for admirers to view the production.  It really only offers the opportunity for the bather to lie back in that tub full of water and stare out.  

At.  This.

I mean, who would want to do a thing like THAT?

I have to say that Full Blame must be placed on the shoulders of that Individual of Very Bad Influence, Missy Gayle.

Missy Gayle

You can see just by looking at her what a devious individual she is!

She's another one of those incomprehensible females who has chosen to Keep a Husband.  

(As everyone knows well, the most sensible female behavior is to have many husbands and have them often -- and then send them yowling on their way over the back fence.  I mean, how else are we to manage our time-honored mandate of overtaking the world with many many many kittens?)

So, if any of the Full Blame is to be shared, we must slap it (perhaps with a bit of claw) on the shoulders of the male who constructed this monstrosity -- which appears to be directly responsible for driving my Human nearly bonkers with imbecilic envy.

This entire episode has so stressed my system that I've had to retire to my abode under the bed.  I have curled myself into a tight ball and have wrapped my tail around my nose.  

I realize it has been nearly a year since I've had a single thing to say here, and it may be another year before I get over my snit.

Ah me.  What a world.


  1. So it's true? ...she really does exist?

    Just when her loyal subjects were having doubts, the legend emerged from her lair
    and graced us all with her wise observations.

    Purrhaps she will show herself and share her wisdom again soon! We can only hope.


    1. Ah, Lilygilded, please tell me you are not one of these individuals who SUBMERGE in liquid in order to bathe. If you are truly a loyal subject, you surely tongue-groom, do you not? Finding a (possible) loyal subject who CARES about the wise observations of Miss Emmy gives her hope. In fact, she has twitched the tip of her tail just a tiny bit away from her nose, and opened her eyes just the tiniest slit . . .

    2. Free Thinker, when it comes to the wise observations of Miss Emmy, believe me, I am all (pointy) ears. I and others have long awaited this proof that something stirs beneath that bed. While I blush at the query into my personal grooming ritual, I do understand the interest. After all, what is more important than preening? I don't mind sharing that I have a true and genuine aversion to water in all its forms. I manufacture my own liquids, thank you, all superior to water! Besides, isn't water for tea bags?

      Please, Miss Emmy, show us the way!

      I blush personal grooming

      would be prohibitive in any other venue, for Miss Emmy I will overcome my shyness and share that I have a true aversion to water. I await

    3. Apologies for the gobble-de-gook at the bottom of Lilygilded's last message. In the excitement of this unexpected attention bestowed by HRH Miss Emmy (and the need for an emergency litterbox visit) Lilygilded experienced a technical error. Okay, messed up. It happens.

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  3. OMG. This had me laughing out loud. I love little Emmy.

  4. Miss Emily can rest in comfort as the building of said contraption was cleared by the resident cats, Tabbers and Billy, both of infinite wisdom and well versed in the ways of humans. But still, they wonder....... what is the world coming to?